I really would go. If you asked i would do it.

there was moment. A decision was made on my part.

It's so long, the reason I felt the necessity to decide is lost on me.

I try to stick to my word. Even to myself. Especially to myself. Even when far too long after i came to the conclusion that i wanted to stop acting that specific way.

I need an event. An incident, to be able to give myself the option to change my mind.

Stubborn. Even with myself.

It was a promise really. To be honest. I would tell you how i felt. no matter what. even if it hurts you. Which always hurts me. More than it hurt you, because i will judge every breath, movement, and action as a result of the perceived injustice i laid on you.

White lies. White lies could brighten this dark moment. I instead say the words that somehow make it darker, scarier. The kind of dark where you kick and walk into EVERYTHING in the room.

White lies. I need an incident to bring them back into my arsenal. A white lie, ready at the hip. to protect. to keep safe.

someday.

Posted in: there is a halo above your head